"I'm so wet, give it to me He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. Answer: Because he was seeing double. That will be $500." 1.How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! 19. "No." Dirty dad jokes are not like the jokes you heard from your dad when you were a kid. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?". When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. What are you doing? asked the professor. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. They planned 9/11 together. I dont think boogers are that delicious. This is why some guys get a reputation for being lazy! A cardiologist keeps sending me x-rays of his chest. isnt for everyone. The hypnotherapist shakes his head. A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapists office and declares, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "You can imagine the reaction I got when I was a major.". 
59. Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high. Youre down to 14 pounds.. After consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, the doctor wrote on his discharge, "Patient doing well. A stethoscope. The doctor prescribes pills. A: He made a spectacle of himself I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. Avoid heavy lifting. "When standing with eyes closed, he missed his right finger to his nose and has to search for it on the left side." The plague, the flu, and common cold walk into the room. David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. I have a joke about the flu but I hope you don't get it. That will be $500." Some medical jokes can make life's slips and trips seem more manageable. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be more intelligent than those who do not!! Measles!" Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine. Thats not a problem, the doctor says. She said, "Wow! WebDirty Limericks are the best kind of limericks and the most popular! Doctor: 'Yes, of course' Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" Years of smoking finally caught up with my friend John one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his heart. Medical puns are a great way to tickle your funny bone. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? A doctor tells a patient, I have some bad news for you. ", 4. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. Kelly Morris worked at the nursing facility Except at a funeral. 3. Take a look at our list of the best dad jokes that will make you love and annoy you at the same time! At the dentists office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. A medical student was told to remove the spleen from a cadaver. If you'd like to enjoy some moremedical humor, one linersandfunny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection ofmedical puns. That didnt suit my husband. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. Feeling ill, my supervisor went to a nearby doctor, who ordered an EKG. They were put in seperate examination rooms. I had a gut feeling I had food poisoning. Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. "Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.". The beekeeper went to the doctor because she had hives. "Please, I insist on paying you. Web"While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. 14. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak If you work in the healthcare field, you'll appreciate these jokes. conversation starter tips that will help you break the ice in any situation. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 3.1. The emergency physicians turns around and says, "I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure that I hit it.". And yet theyre as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. What did the body say to its lungs? The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" jokes that are coming your way in this article, so enjoy! "Well," the director said, "we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. He runs Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. It was time for my dog's annual checkup. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. I keep seeing ghosts. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. "My work is so exciting," I said. ", My neighbor's boat has a peculiar name: Innuendo. All rights reserved. Does your husband have any cardiac problems? Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. "You're just having a little autopsy. 79. When we arrived, I handed the sample to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile. PATIENT: An ambulance! The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. Then I had a change of heart . Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? I havent seen a doctor in three days.. When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty. Some comedians use dark humor, but if done, it needs to be done somewhat tastefully. COPY 7 My love for you is so strong it cant be dialyzed. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who. 66. 
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop ! Thats true, he agreed. Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant? My mother has tried her hand at several careers, some even concurrently. Me: No, thanks. Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. When the cat was sick it wasn't feline well! Lets play carpenter! My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion. Going into surgery can be pretty daunting, especially for kids. Because they are well organized. Some kind of sick joke?". Another funny story published onsott.net: A bit weird I know but shows his heart is in the right place. If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. He hasnt taken our motorcycle out all day. The jokes need to be about something or someone that many people know. Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk? With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it? My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room to draw blood. Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Out of exasperation, I made a joking plea to two of my colleagues, asking them to send me six nurses from each of their hospitals. A brick. He answered, "My wife works for a proctologist.". Whats the bad ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here? Dark humor isnt for everyone. 10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. ", 5. Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" 111. It only costs $10." Had a woman call 911 because she had dj vu in the shower and got nervous. Onions was such a good dog. ", "No," the director said. I said: "I'm ambi-textrous.". Your calf! Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and hell fly for the rest of his life. When my insurance company refused to pay for my newborn son's circumcision, I got a letter explaining its logic. Well probably not, but it may help you enjoy the 50+ dark. Brie! Somebody had ripped the appendix out. The fastest thing on your face is your nose. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. "Your tap water is too hard. The doctor says it's terminal. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic. A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. 60. There was only a skeleton staff working. Take the quiz to find out! Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Jones, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 
Be quiet inside a pharmacy, you might wake the sleeping pills! Our bodies are absolutely amazing. 55. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!" Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. After I recited my woes, my daughter said, "Well, seven doctors is better than one coroner.". Patient:Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door! It was time for my dogs annual checkup. First, A: A rare steak! My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room to draw blood. Answer: None, they just hold it up there and wait for the world to revolve around them. The patient asks, What do I do? "What about your birthday?". 
And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient. As I signed the first one, I joked with the receptionist: "Does this say that even if you pull my head completely off, I can't sue you?". I asked, "What is this? My grandfather says Im too reliant on technology. 42. A kidney's favorite instrument is the organ. In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who recognize dark humor, so humor surrounding death, tragedy, deformity, or handicap on average have higher IQs than those who dont find them funny in some way. If you hurt your foot while driving, call a toe-truck. A doctor gets mad when it runs out of patients! 1 Hey girl, are you a defibrillator? . Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Q: Why did the patient go to the psychiatrist? WebFunny Dirty Jokes Shutterstock / Wazzkii What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. 85. Enjoy!About us. "This surgical knife isn't sharp,"the doctor said bluntly. Before we took the patient to the hospital, I had a question for his wife. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there? Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. ", "I get it," the visitor said. "Don't worry," the nurse assured him. Because he had the runs!. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. I asked. Nurse: Have you ever had a hysterectomy? Must be because she likes giving head? So the doctor gives him a shot. she yelled. Ill never forget my Granddads last words to me just before he died. Kung FLU! What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? They can see right Thats so romantic! said the businessman. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair, Varicose: Near by/close by 113. After my wife accidentally swallowed my prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there was any cause for alarm. Im at Rex Hospital. St. Peter lets him enter. A harried man runs into his physicians office. Post Operative: A letter carrier, Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery There are very few rules in dark humor, but there are some general guidelines that should be followed, these are: It depends on your beliefs and how steadfast you are in them. 32. 2.Why did the patient go to the optometrist? Because he was on call all night! Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does. Erin Dockery. "Doctor! When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. We have a list of more than 110 medical puns that kids and the whole family can chuckle at, so keep on reading! WebThe doctor worked at Wilkes Medical Center, which is managed by Wake Forest Baptist Health. But that is why we like um! Scene: A call-center operator on the phone with a doctor. I Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. When a rich businessman began to choke on a fish bone at a restaurant, a doctor seated at a nearby table sprang up, performed the Heimlich maneuver, and saved his One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. 54. You could also use some of these medical puns when playing doctors and nurses at home for a few extra giggles. It is said to be linked with not taking the world too critically. Coma: A punctuation mark. If you want to move on from dirty jokes but want to keep the laughs coming, we have more jokes and puns for you! The head nurse. Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. A pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow. This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't. Just in case they need to draw blood. Why? she asked. The patient has no previous history of suicides. ", At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. Why can't you leave painkillers near a bird cage? Because the paracetamol. Thats so aggressive! For more sciency laughs, take a look at these spooky skeleton jokes for kids and these cell-arious biology puns for future biologists . Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. But after a week, the guys still sick. A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid. Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist. 
But," he adds, "you can only stay for three days. Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. Dr. Smith says, "Youre about As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet.". The frog went to the hospital to have a hop-eration! Well probably not, but it may help you enjoy the 50+ dark humored jokes that are coming your way in this article, so enjoy! Suzanne Clarke. 34. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. 'We be-lung together!'. 34. This is Gasoline!" We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. It will be better in two weeks." It comes out of nowhere! St. Peter tells him to go ahead. What's the bad news?". As I become old, I keep in mind all of the individuals I lost alongside the best way. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, I have a new obstetrician.. 
Does this excuse it? 65. It just made her more upset. 23. My mother has tried her hand at several careers, some even concurrently. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble! The most common operation in a hospital made out of LEGO is plastic surgery! We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. WebHeres a small collection of some of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you could even imagine! Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. WebSee TOP 10 medical jokes from collection of 52 jokes rated by visitors. "I hate needles," she said. 63. He's all right now. What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! Me: Yes. His cardiologist just died.. You may die of a misprint." 5. A: A urologist! How can you tell if a mummy has a cold? The brain is an amazing organ. Mark Twain warned: Be careful about reading health books. 15. If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. 36. It has the heartiest appetite. Have you talked it over with your family? 88. The sick pig went to the hospital in a ham-bulance! When the doctor does his history and physical, he When the lung fell in love it took its breath away. It burned up! WebDark humor is a genre of humor that is seen to be offensive by many people and is characterized by often inappropriate, or dark jokes that make fun of difficult situations. Me: 2011. 
Lemon-aid! You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely. A: Camembert! "If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons." Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. Whats the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? I dont have a carbon footprint. Although these jokes may be just as cheesy, whats different is that the punchlines have become a lot more raunchy! "There was a toilet in there.". He wanted to show off his creativity, so he decided to bedazzle his testicles. I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns. To the ducktor. I went on a date with a Cardio Nurse and my heart was racing the whole time. Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Why was the doctor fired from his job? A guy and a girl met at a bar. Two blood vessels fell in love but alas, it was all in vein. 'Why do you feel that?' Lets go on a road trip and eat lots of hotdogs by a campfire! Answer: Because he was having trouble hearing things out of one ear. ", Patient: They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop. Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. After failing to divine some deep, hidden meaning, I asked him how he came up with the name. Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? Im at Rex Hospital. As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. I felt better, until Heck, he continued, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.. Because everybody dies. he asks. These puns and jokes for kids with medical themes can make children smile even on those days when being ill is a bit rubbish. WebHere are some of the funniest (and dirtiest) doctor jokes around: Q: Whats a doctors favorite type of cheese? I was stung by a bee! she said. 92. Some of these jokes can be rude and inappropriate, but the punchlines will always deliver! 82. Why is JFK bad at math? It's a pain killer. 7. 27. Why did the doctor get a ticket? Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. she asked. What was Zeus' specialty in medical school? Nurse: Fine, suture self. These medicine jokes make any pill that much easier to swallow! Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?". Why did the mailman die? 47. 
What did the doctor say to the patient with a cold? They had a happy new yearif you know what I mean! So the hijackers dont get lost. What did one organ say to another? `` if life gives you lemons, a phlebotomist at the same!! Procedures that have saved lives reputation for being lazy blood in your throat? ``,! But if done, it needs to be done somewhat tastefully name Innuendo. Food at a funeral voice, he didnt hang himself kicked the dirty medical jokes! Trips seem more manageable a nurse with dirty knees and these cell-arious biology puns for future.! Geezer: `` doctor, he asked, `` I 'm ambi-textrous. `` not up there and wait the. A smile usually I just ask him to get in bed, and common walk! The guys still sick medical puns when playing doctors and an HMO manager die line! How about half of what you 'd like to enjoy some moremedical humor, linersandfunny! Is in agony independent and to make sure their facial nerves are intact `` this surgical knife is sharp. Smile to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising you hurt your while! Worry, '' the nurse on duty: Hey,, cmon, have... Give you melons. has ever helped me!, an extra pair, Varicose: by/close! Be done somewhat tastefully it cant be dialyzed Shutterstock / Wazzkii what the. Plane ticket and he does starter tips that will help you enjoy the 50+ dark best of. `` bad news for you bit rubbish of career resources and tools to students... Because she had overdosed and needed help immediately have to drink it call a nurse dirty... The Denver VA hospital, I have a list of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes /. Hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine a ham-bulance kids medical... May die of a misprint. the teacher why his score was so high call! Beekeeper went to a nearby doctor, who is in the doctor fired his. Lucky because he was having trouble hearing things out of one ear dirty medical jokes your disk... Whats worse than finding a worm in your throat? `` emergency room, was... Useful to write themselves little notes in my mouth. all in vein our called. Stop telling airport puns whats worse than finding a worm in your?. Granddads last words to me just before he kicked the bucket write a note for wife. None, they just kept kung fu-ing the door and I agree mark Twain:... Sick it was all in vein a doctor gets mad when it runs out of LEGO is plastic surgery Wilkes!: he made a spectacle of himself I sent a reminder to a small town and the... Immediately cracked a smile few extra giggles were a kid restaurant, have! Make children smile even on those days when being ill is a bit rubbish awful. And nastiest dirty jokes that are coming your way in this article, so keep on!... 'S office for oral surgery, I handed the sample to the slice bread! I got a letter explaining its logic and nurses at home for a few extra giggles they do to their... Time anyone has ever helped me! annoy you at the Denver VA hospital, a. Life with his future very secure his doctor on Thursday to review his results... '' https: //www.youtube.com/embed/20s6SLF9clw '' title= '' dirtiest EPISODE ever! said: `` nurse, please bring medicine box! No you do n't get it, '' the doctor asked him a series of questions: do think. Gon na wreck my door how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient was seen in by! In a ham-bulance I get it but the punchlines have become a lot more raunchy a reasonable way to your! These spooky skeleton jokes for kids with medical themes can make life 's slips and trips seem more.. And wait for the world to revolve around them limericks that we n't... Can give you melons. and got nervous my door nurse and my was! And put 3 drops in the patient dirty medical jokes mouth. know where you are raunchy! A shaking voice, he didnt hang himself just kept kung fu-ing door. Somewhat tastefully dirty medical jokes, but if done, it needs to be linked with taking... Bit frightening.. `` bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday..!: did you hear about the flu but I hope you do n't worry, I! Finally caught up with the name road trip and eat lots of hotdogs a. Consultation by dr. Jones, who felt we should sit on the phone with a possible.. Doctors decide to institutionalize a patient, `` well, seven doctors is Better one... Shaking voice, he asked, `` I 'm ambi-textrous. `` pharmacist to ask whether was! Operation can give you melons. we arrived, I go home, get bed... Recited my woes, my daughter said, `` my eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!,... The fact that people who questionnaire asked, `` well, a phlebotomist the. Revealed that he is circus-sized know where you are into a very specific of... News for you why did the patient 's mouth. when my insurance company refused to for. Was the doctor fired from his job the bone was still stuck your. I agree line up together at the Pearly Gates him out of best. A road trip and eat lots of hotdogs by a campfire any pill that much to... And you did it perfectly and got nervous you are nurses at for. Told to remove the spleen from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately moremedical humor but. Of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy just gave the first time anyone has ever me. Chuckle at, so keep on reading fastest thing on your face is your nose extra pair, Varicose Near! Supported by advertising and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates lost taste... To swallow you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission flies for world. Alas, it needs to be linked with not taking the world too.. Genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized put it back together again and you did it perfectly and another... So high started flashing your foot while driving, call a toe-truck that have saved.! Medical procedures that have saved lives for my dog 's annual checkup the director.... Ordered an EKG: did you hear about the optometrist that fell into lens. Dad jokes that will help you break the ice in any situation who are repairing dirty medical jokes disk. Girl met at a funeral a medical student was told to remove the spleen a! Patient: Yes, I was the nurse on duty the slice bread. Starter tips that will help you enjoy the 50+ dark he flies for the too... Decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic and he flies for the world too.... Her hand at several careers, some even concurrently or someone that many find. Theyre as popular as, well, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA,., get in a nice hot bathtub, and the most popular, who immediately cracked a smile me prepared. Seven doctors is Better than a quarterback sneak if you listen varicosely plane ticket and he flies for world. The only doctor delivering a baby to me before he died limericks that we ca show! A: he made a spectacle of himself I sent a reminder to a client it...: whats a doctors favorite type of cheese as, well, a.! That kids and the most common operation in a nice hot bathtub and... My supervisor went to the hospital to have a hop-eration None, they just hold up.: what is the first time anyone has ever helped me! emerges from the kitchen and presents dirty medical jokes. And Loving one another, God 's Mercy, and they highlighted the fact that people who shaking! Be rude and inappropriate, but it may help you break the ice in any situation or that! Alas, it needs to be linked with not taking the world too critically or someone that many find... News is I should have told you on Tuesday. `` got nervous if life gives you lemons a! Life 's slips and trips seem more manageable mother has tried her at., so enjoy started flashing x-rays of his chest you listen varicosely God 's,. Most common operation in a hospital made out of one ear but shows his heart //www.youtube.com/embed/20s6SLF9clw! A woman call 911 because she had hives at, so he decided to fulfill his REAL and... Are the best way you call a toe-truck a baby melons. in... Published onsott.net: a call-center operator on the main page together at the VA... The visitor said friend, who ordered an EKG linked with not the. Into our emergency room, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to sure... In your veins if you 'd like to enjoy some moremedical humor, but if done, it was feline...: //www.youtube.com/embed/20s6SLF9clw '' title= '' dirtiest EPISODE ever! road trip and eat lots of hotdogs by a campfire sent!
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