mothers who give up primary custody

I didn’t want you to see me suffer, cry, and worry about where I would be, where I would stay.”. The parent-child relationship, financial situations, who the primary caretaker of the child is, and other issues are examined by the judge when … After all, if nothing happened, why would a mother choose to give up custody of her child? It is, as I said, a question loaded with a lifetime of gender roles, unforgiving standards that mothers are held to, and a belief that a woman’s role is, primarily, to be a mother. These studies are admittedly dated, but they remain important because, to this day, they remain the most comprehensive research done on societal beliefs about non-custodial mothers. I had a deep conviction that the choice I made for myself and my daughter was a good one. My ex-husband has bottomless pockets and had ground me down financially in a custody battle. Physical custody relates to where the child lives and who has primary care of the child. The general consensus seems to be that she would only do this if she was the most selfish woman on the planet and/or didn’t love her child. In the same study, it is proposed that the assumed “unfitness” of a non-custodial mother is “a social construct, designed to disguise the disparity of power relations between women and men within both the context of the law and the family.” This observation highlights, again, the gender bias that comes into play when presented with a familial situation that conflicts with what we’ve been told to believe our whole lives. regret over leaving her son with his father, The Discomfort of Being a Prude Who’s Also a Feminist, In the Run-Up to the UN’s Global Summit on Women’s Rights, the US Retreats, How Amy Trask Became the First Woman to Run an NFL Team, I Stopped Listening To Degrading Rap Music, In Defense of the Decision to Remain Childless. A mother would turn down an opportunity for majority custody of children for the same reasons a father might reject primary custody. My choice was born out of the clarity that as long as my daughter was reliant on me and only me, I’d never be able to get ahead in my career or regain a hold on my health and happiness. She moved to an apartment three miles away from her children so she could see them on weekends. For others, it is out of necessity. Regardless, if a mother gives up full custody of her children, she loses her right to make decisions regarding her child. For some, like me, it is a choice. I didn’t feel guilty. Will you understand every night, every minute of every day, I wanted you with me but didn’t want to uproot you from the only home you ever knew? Since the 1970s, courts have been rewriting custody determination standards in gender-neutral language. That got old, fast. In The Unfortunate Event That You Do Lose Custody, Do Not Give Up. However, when a family court judge does have to step in and decide which parent to award primary physical custody to, preference is usually given to the one who is the … Although one parent may have primary physical custody, both parents typically share joint legal custody. We are closer now than we have been since before the divorce.”. I had a deep conviction that the choice I made for myself and my daughter was a good one. Christina Vanvuren: By day, I write for #digitalhealth brands. These stories are critical to starting a dialogue about non-custodial mothers. This explains why, when non-custodial mothers “reveal” their status, they tend to either be confronted and condemned or shunned completely. One study from 1995—No-Woman’s Land: The Story of Non-Custodial Mother’s—explains that: “Women without custody of their children are positioned as the ‘other’ to the norm of the custodial mother. As the number of mothers without custody grows, so will the reasons why. "Irv" seemed smarmy and bored and appeared distracted during our interviews. What Do Child Custody Statistics Really Tell Us? I wasn’t ashamed. This falls so neatly into the paradigm that mothers are supposed to be saint-like creatures with not one single need other than to love and care for their children. ... it’s impossible to say whether 17.5% is fair versus unfair to fathers or unfair to mothers. Custody battles usually present a challenge for all parties involved. The general consensus seems to be that she would only do this if she was the most selfish woman on the planet and/or didn’t love her child. She also wrote a later article defending her choice, after receiving pushback from the masses of keyboard warriors. These stories are critical to starting a dialogue about non-custodial mothers. The primary goal of Texas custody laws is to provide the best environment possible for the child. Even those who label themselves “feminist” or “progressive” seem to have a hard time wrapping their head around why a mother wouldn’t have custody. Then, when they find out that my non-custodial status came about because I chose to not be with my daughter every day — and not as a result of addiction, abuse, or neglect — the situation becomes even harder for them to grasp. I am intentionally dragging my shame into the light so others know they aren’t alone. Once I began to feel ashamed of my decision, I started to feel like an outlier, like I had made a choice so unthinkable that I needed to keep it hidden. Still others are the unfortunate victims of a faulty court system. Will you believe I abandoned you there to “live a carefree life” the way he thinks I did? ... she urged me to pull out of the … This, according to the Pew Research Center, is up from 300,000 in 1960. If I want to give up my joint custody to the child's father for sole custody, ... support Child support and extracurricular expenses Visitation rights in child custody agreements Father's rights in child custody Mother's rights in child custody Family law. A 2008 Kansas City University study — Non-custodial Mothers: Thematic Trends and — Future Directions — explores the complicated societal condemning of mothers who contradict, challenge, or defy the “right” kind of mothers: “The non-custodial mother is an anomaly. Since mothers who stay home to care for children do not bring any income into the home, it is often difficult for them to retain custody based on financials alone. I wasn’t ashamed. People want to know; they ask me again and again and again: What happened? Not even stay-at-home moms can take child custody for granted. ... deliberate and painstaking process, to give my ex-husband essentially full custody of one of my … I was spent psychologically and worried that even if I did have the financial means to keep fighting, I would lose the emotional stamina to care for my children (my ex did not try to get custody of my daughter, of whom I have primary custody).”. My ex-husband has bottomless pockets and had ground me down financially in a custody battle. Your email address will not be … Mothers usually want primary custody because they want to continue taking care of the children. The minute I shook hands with the custody evaluator, I worried I was toast. No, not really. ... parents may be granted joint legal and joint physical custody. 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